1. All your friends are home with their families, so you can forget a birthday party.
Look, I am happy for you that you get to see your mom, but can we please go drinking?
2. Or if they’re around, there are so many holiday parties people don’t want to celebrate.
“Sorry, Jack’s punch was lethal, don’t think we are going to be able to go out tonight.”
3. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, you still get screwed.
Everything is closed and your friends are busy. Nothing better than hanging out alone to celebrate your birth.
4. You get combo presents from everyone and it’s not OK to point out that if your birthday was in July, this would be an outrage.
Oh thanks, how convenient for you.
5. On top of the combo presents, your birthday presents are always wrapped in Christmas paper.
Christmas Birthday. December is a red-and-green-only zone.
6. You have to save up a list of what you want all year. Hopefully your dream present doesn’t come out in February, otherwise you will be waiting 10 months.
7. And people like to decorate really well for your “birthday.”
Oh yes, my favorite colors are red, green, and gold.
8. People also like to remind you it isn’t only your birthday.
But also Jesus’. It’s hard to compete with Jesus.
9. If they even remember at all.
Between family, presents, and the overwhelming nature of Christmas, more than one person has forgotten your birthday.
10. People always start to call you the Grinch since you’re sick of all the holiday cheer.
Which only makes you more grinchy.
11. This is what your birthday dinner looks like, even if you don’t like turkey.
That’s cool, I will just eat some potatoes or something. I didn’t want my favorite food anyway.
12. And this is what your birthday “cake” looks like.
There are already 42 types of cookies around; no one feels the need to make you something special.
13. You are always forced to do some horrible holiday activity on your birthday whether you want to or not.
‘Tis the season!
14. And you are always getting upstaged by a fat guy in a big red suit.