As if my ovaries aren’t confused enough of the damn time, the sexy Santa phenomenon is messing with my sexual cues.
Two weeks ago, Toronto-based Fashion Santa helped us all come to terms with the fact that Santa is a (Canadian) man with needs.
Now, a second sensual St. Nick emerged fromMexico, a country also known for bordering the United States and exporting, among other things, totally f*ckable creatures of legend.
Mr. Claus is a model for El Palacio de Hierro, a major Mexican department store, BuzzFeed reports.
His eyes are as piercing as the cold he rarely experiences.
His beard is a thick, lush garden of holiday dreams.
On Facebook, he claims “the beard separates the men from the boys,” thoughI imagine it smells of peppermint and sleigh varnish.
He has a ton of Oxford shoes, which is classy as sh*t.
Mr. Claus is one chic seor, essentially. He’ll eat your milk and cookies to be polite, but then he’ll wear all black to hide his snack belly.
JUST KIDDING. THERE IS NO SNACK BELLY. HE IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN.
People are understandably losing every last ounce of chill and tweeting #QueridoMrClaus.
#QueridoMrClaus, ¿podría presentarme a Claus Jr? 😏
— BisChokito69 (@BisChokito69) December 13, 2015
Could you introduce me to Claus Jr?
#QueridoMrClaus, Netflix and chill?
— Max Rockatansky (@DevotchkaMarina) December 11, 2015
This year I was a bad girl.
— Chio Rivera (@ChioRivera) December 5, 2015
I would like to leave my letter to Santa personally.
— Cristina 💋 (@CristinaLule) December 10, 2015
Enjoy these sexy Santas while you can, folks. Something tells me Hot Baby New Year is going to be a real bummer.