Patriot Bands

Community Post: 15 Lies We Love To Tell

1. “If you drive, I’ll pay for the gas.”

= “If you drive, I’m going to ‘accidentally’ forget my debit card.”

2. “You look great!”

= “You don’t look as good as me.”

3. “I’m on my way!”

= “I haven’t left my apartment yet.”

4. “I’ve been really busy lately.”

= “I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix lately.”

5. “My phone has been acting weird.”

= “My phone is fine. I’m just not answering your calls.”

6. “I can’t go because I don’t feel well.”

= “I can’t go because I don’t want to.”

7. “I’m broke.”

= “I’m saving what little money I have for something stupid.”

8. “I’m on a diet.”

= “I’m only eating healthy foods in front of the people who have heard me say I’m on a diet.”

9. “I think your boyfriend is really cute!”

= “I think your boyfriend needs to maybe not wear tank tops. Also, I’d like to stop looking at pictures of his Facebook now.”

10. “I’m going to the gym this week.”

= “I’m not going to the gym this week.”

11. “I’m not mad at you.”

= “I am mad at you. And If I had something bulky in my hand I’d throw it at your face.”

12. “I’m not drinking tonight.”

= “Okay, I’ll hold a drink because I’ll look stupid if I don’t. I’ll take a few sips because I’m obviously going to get thirsty. When it’s empty I’ll order another one. And so on.”

13. “It was so good to see you!”

= “I’m going to forget about this in half an hour.”

14. “You don’t look slutty at all.”

Paramount Pictures

= “Do you know what slutty means?”

15. “You can study later.”

= “You can’t. But I wan’t you to make a bad decision with me and blame yourself in the morning. Come hang out, loser!”

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