To the guy who said he wasnt using me for sex, burn in hell.
I didnt wait 10 months to get over my last breakup just to have sex with some guy who lied straight to my face for weeks.
People can like casual sex, and thats fine, but that wasnt what I was looking forbecause Im Drake-y as a MF, and you knew that.You knew I was vulnerable.
I didnt even want to be dating at the time, but you messaged me on OkCupid and I thought you were pretty cute.
You even read my blog and told me how my unique experiences and outlook on love made me different. Different was always a word you used in me. I would joke around how I was exactly like other girls, but you shut that down. You insisted that I was, in fact, different.
Everyone wants to feel special and because of you, l did.Im such a sucker for that kind of stuff.
We exchanged numbers, you deleted your OkCupid profile before texting me, and you set up a date. You persistently told me how nervous you were to meet me and how much you wanted me to like you.
I swear to God, your mouth must taste like ass from all the shit that comes out of it.
Then, we went on ourfirst date. You held my hand because I told you it was my favorite thing to do. You knew I would sop it right up.
But you didnt kiss me. Afterwards, I walkedto the train, wondering what I did wrong. Guys who liked me always ended the first date with a kiss. Was this excitement one-sided? Was I the only one who felt a spark?
Not even an hour later, you calmed my fears and texted me saying you had such a great time. You didnt want the date to end. Was it weird that you already wanted to see me again that night?
(I should have known it meant youjust wanted to see me, at night naked.)
We were on the phone for five hours. You told me how you regretted not kissing me that afternoon, and I wanted you to kiss me, too.
We just couldnt get enough of each other. We talked all day, every day. Me living in Brooklyn and you living in Jersey working night shifts made it hard to see each other.
Nevertheless, youtold me you were going on a family trip for a week and you needed to see me before you left.
I immediately bought that $30 train ticket to Jersey. It ended with us hooking up in your carto make up for that kiss you never gave me on our first date.
You texted me five minutes later saying, I really loved seeing you.
And with that, I thought maybe, just maybe, this could be my first real relationship. For once in my life, I thought I didnt have to worry about a text back, or have to guess whether you liked me or not.
Before you got back from your trip, I invited you over for dinner and a concert that I was giventwo tickets for. Til this day, it was the best day I ever had.
We ate at my favorite restaurant. We danced you were actually a really good dancer and in the midst of the music, you whispered in my ear that you were having a really great time with me.
You spent the night and it felt right.
I broke our sweaty silence to tell you how I felt about you.
You said you felt the same way.
I know I shouldnt feel stupid for being honest about what I wanted and what I was looking for. I shouldnt feel stupid becauseyouwere the asshole who lied to me.
Butboy, did I. The next day after our ~magical~ night was my birthday. I had blowneveryone off when you said you wanted to plan something for me.
And then I didnt hear from you.
You let me go on for that whole day MY special day waiting for a text.
I finally texted you that night asking if I should expect to see you. You told me that you changed your mind because you didnt want me to have any bad memories if we didnt work out.
That sounds like a really good excuse and all, but looking back, Im not even sure if you would have told me you werent coming if I hadnt texted you first and asked if you were coming.
How could INOTfeel a little dumb when it was MEwho cried in my best friends bed until 4 am on my birthday?
With that, our communication dwindled down from every hour of every day to only talking every couple of days. I told you that I understood spending a birthday was abigcommitment for a lot of people, and asked you if you just wanted to end things.
You said it was nothing to worry about, and you were just busy and tired from work.I knew what being busy meant. You were just too busyfor me.
The guy who would stay up after 12+ hour work days to see me or talk to me on the phone was suddenly too busy?
You werent interested in me, and you just didnt want to admit it. You got what you wanted, and you were done with me. I just wanted an explanation, but in my gut, I knew that was it.
We saw each other one more time, but only because I pretty much told you that I would dead you if you flaked on our plans again.
I wanted it to work so badly. I wanted to see if things would be different if Ijust saw you one more time. We slept together again, but I think I did it because pining for your attention.
I told you things didnt feel the same.
You said you were just tired and busy with work. You said I was just used to you being on vacation and us talking all the time.
But I know that wasnt it. Even on your days off, youd barely text. You made no effort to see me. So, thats when I ended things.
You werent different. You were just an asshole this whole time.
Thank God were done.
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