1. Your alarm goes off even earlier than it does during the work week.
Because some genius decided these games have to start at 8 a.m.
2. You spend twenty minutes frantically searching for a missing cleat.
3. And then another ten minutes waiting for your kid to put on her shin guards.
5. But as you hustle toward the game your kid takes off running for the playground.
Don’t worry, I’m sure Pele did the same thing when he was a kid.
6. The sides of the field are packed with parents, so you’re forced to take a spot with a lousy view.
7. You promise yourself that this week you’re going to focus 100% on the game.
8. But you quickly lose interest when a kid kicks the ball into his own goal.
9. And another kid stops the game to pick a dandelion and run it over to his mom.
10. Your interest picks up when your kid charges an opponent like a seasoned pro.
11. But then the two start chatting about fishtail rainbow looms and the ball rolls past them.
12. You can’t believe how freezing it is and complain to anyone within earshot that soccer should not be played in November.
Really? November? I mean really.
13. So you sneak off to get a cup of coffee and miss your kid’s only goal.
Your kid, twenty years from now, in therapy: “Why was that coffee so important to him, Doctor? WHY?!”
14. You roll your eyes at the parents who have no idea how the game is played.
“Come on! He just touched the ball with both hands! Everyone knows you can only use one hand!”
15. And the coach of your kid’s team who seems just as clueless.
“Open your eyes, ump! He used both hands!”
16. He’s a lot better than the other team’s coach, though.
Look, everyone, it’s Bobby Knight coaching kids’ soccer!
17. The psycho soccer parent next to you loses it and cusses out the ref.
18. Even though the ref looks like this:
19. You feel bad about secretly hating the mini David Beckham on the other team after he scores his sixth goal of the game.
20. Especially since the talent on your kid’s team is much more modest.
21. But then your kid launches a terrific kick down the field.
22. And you find yourself screaming as her teammates take it all the way to the goal and score!
Goals are awesome even though no one actually keeps score in these games.
23. When the game ends you give your happy kid a big hug and a high five.
24. And even though you know your kid isn’t going to pay for college with a soccer scholarship, you all had a great time and that’s all that matters.
But maybe you’re also a little happy soccer season won’t start again for another eight months.